My heart is constantly ruled by fear.

When I wake up and go to sleep, anxiety is near. 

I can never face the terrors to make them disappear. 

It effects my whole life, my job, and those I hold dear. 

The pain inisde feels like a heart struck with a spear. 

Have to save face though, can’t shed a tear.

Stuck on a road that is foreign and unclear. 

Driving a vehicle I can barely control or steer.

Is this what’ll be forever, Year to year?

Will it ever come together, fully adhere?

It’s exhausting to cope with a toxic atmosphere.

    Have to find it in myself to be strong, persevere. 

    When it starts to get better there’s a whisper in my ear.

    It’s my old friend fear, set to reappear. 


    Peaceful Day II

    Today is going great, smooth and nice

    Things are going good, picture perfect life

    Weather is great, spending the day with my son

    As far as I’m concerned the day is already won

    It couldn’t get much better than this 

    Leave the stress behind, stress I don’t miss

    I wish everyday can be this way

    I’m going to soak in this peaceful day 

    Back In The Saddle

    It’s been some time since I’ve taken time to write. Stress and frustration have kicked in to high gear and show no signs of stopping. The amount of pressure and anxiety that surround each day seem insurmountable. Getting out of bed in the morning requires half of my days energy so by the time I get to work I’m at half a tank. 

    I’ve finally come to terms that writing makes life easier to deal with, so I have to make time. Writing won’t solve all my problems, however, it helps clarify feelings and is also my creative outlet. When life gives me lemons, I write. 


    What will tomorrow bring?

    I don’t know, I’m not sure. 

    What will be remains a mystery, can’t see behind the door. 

    I can only hope that the day will come with success,

    Not all of life’s pressures I need less of the  stress. 

    Waking up is tough getting out of bed is the worst. 

    I hope today is the day I can defeat and rid my curse. 

    What comes of the day I’ll have to accept. 

    For I never truly know what to expect.

    Fragile Times

    I guess life’s been okay

    No, it’s mediocre at best

    Lately I’ve been frustrated

    My patience put to the test

    It seems hard times are often
    Good times don’t come enough

    I guess the good can’t be great, if the bad isn’t so tough

    I don’t know how much more of this I can take

    All I do know is that it won’t take much for me to break

    Football Blues☹️

    WR Jordan Matthews feeling the football blues.

    This past Sunday marked the end of the NFL season. Although my beloved Eagles season ended on New Year’s Day, football is still my go to sport as a fan. Super Bowl LI capped off another great NFL season and was as fantastic as a game you’ll ever see. Talk about saving the best for last, just when the game looked finished after halftime Tom Brady and the Patriots ensured all would stay tuned in.

    I’ve been watching football over half my life. I’ve seen 100’s of games over that span and have witnessed some all time great football moments. With the exception of the Eagles win over the Giants in week 15 of the 2010 season (Miracle at The Meadowlands II https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8yZ8Gg2UhRA), Tom Brady engineered the greatest comeback in NFL history. I second it to the Eagles comeback in 2010 due to the fact of how the game made me feel as a Eagles fan. To see your favorite team make such a breathtaking comeback against a divisional rival was exciting. That was a historical game for my hometown team so as far as personal favorites it instantly becomes number one. However, as a unbiased fan of football I’d say Super LI is by far the greatest comeback of all time. 

    Even though Tom Brady and Bill Belichick defeated my Eagles in Super Bowl XXXIX 12 years ago, I will give them for the first time publicly their respect. There has been no greater of a coach or quarterback in the NFL. In their years together they’ve been to 7 Super Bowl’s and wining 5. Simply put, that’s pure dominance. Love them or hate them you knew at the beginning of every football season as long as Belichick and Brady were still in the league that they were going make a run. If they were on your schedule you knew that’s the day you’d be tested as a team. They are one of the only teams that when the Eagles have to play them I know that game will gauge how strong they are and isn’t a guaranteed win. I almost always prepared for that game to be a loss. That’s how great they are and have been for years. 

    All that being said, that’s why I’m feeling the blues. All the excitement and entertainment that comes with the NFL season is over, for now. It won’t be until August until players take the field again. Thinking of August in February seems like an eternity. Until then I guess I’ll have to deal with the football blues.

    Bored at work 😐 

    There’s nothing worse in my opinion then pulling yourself out of bed early in the morning to come to a slow work environment. I’m in the automotive industry so I’m used to high paced and physical work days. It’s always nice to get a little down time but the last few weeks have been brutal. It’s to the point where I’m working half days because I can’t stand being stagnant without a task. Today is another one of these days. I hope we get busy or I’m out the door at 1pm. 

    Dead Behind The Eyes 

    Empty, hollow, no emotions inside

    I’m just a shell, the man has died

    All the tears I cried, now the tears have dried

    Nowhere is left to hide, man and body divide 

    Look in my eyes, you’ll see a blank gaze

    A look so dull with a hint of craze

    It’s only a matter of time until you realize

    That this man you see is dead behind the eyes

    Mixed Emotions 

    At times I feel as if I could fly

    Other times I feel as if I could cry

    Mixed emotions get the best of me

    Cripples me as I try to be happy

    One time I felt I can change the world 

    Then my thinking changed and twirled

    Where is my place here on this earth

    Why has doom been with me since birth

    Will I ever discover what is my role?

    Or will I lose it all, spiral out of control?